Reactions and responses
Conversations or questions about suicide can cause a wide variety of reactions among community members. The following feelings are not uncommon when confronted with someone who talks about committing suicide. It’s important to recognize that an initial feeling can be overridden by a more considered and appropriate response.
Panic
Reaction:
I can’t deal with this! I’m just a friend (teacher, other). I’m not a trained crisis worker.
Response:
It might be scary, but you can help. By talking and listening, you can develop a trusting relationship. You can provide a safe period of time for the youth until another form of assistance is found.
Fear
Reaction:
What if I try to help and he or she does it anyway?
Response:
This is a possibility. It helps to remember that the person is responsible for his or her own decisions. Anger and sadness will be experienced by everyone involved. Get help for yourself. Don’t let the stigma around suicide affect you, too.
Frustration
Reaction:
I don’t have time for this. I have a busy schedule.
Response:
Effective interventions can be brief and short-term. A suicidal person’s immediate need is someone to talk to and connect with. After this, you can help the person find someone who can help in the long-term. When you know someone is suicidal, it’s important to connect right away.
Anger
Reaction:
Why are you doing this to me? I am already your friend (teacher, other) — I don’t want to be your helper, too!
Response:
Anger can mean you feel unprepared to deal with suicide. Acknowledging your feelings of anger can help you be more effective in finding help for the person in need.
Helplessness
Reaction:
This person’s situation is hopeless. I’ll never be able to find anything that will help this person want to live.
Response:
Don’t focus on all the problems the person is having. Go slowly and concentrate on keeping the person safe from suicide. All of the other problems can be dealt with later.
Conflicted
Reaction:
If people want to complete suicide, I should not stop them.
Response:
Remember this very important fact: If someone is talking to you about suicide, that means he or she is still undecided. By responding with, “You have the right to complete suicide,” you are missing the signal that what the at-risk person really wants to do is talk.